CAN YOU REBUILD TRUST?

We have all heard the sayings...

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“You think I'm a fool?" demanded Harry."No, I think you're like James," said Lupin, "who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Trust takes years to build...and seconds to destroy"

"Trust is like a broken vase...you can glue it back together, but it will never be the same."

"Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the one person you never thought would never hurt you."

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

How many times in our lives have we felt betrayed by our closest and dearest? How many times have our hearts ached at the thought that our friends didn't even think of us in any way when they made a decision that hurt demolished our hearts? Can old dogs learn new tricks? Do we allow ourselves to trust again? Is it even possible to try?

I think a huge step in rebuilding trust is that the offending party has to be ready and willing to suffer the aftermath of what they did. If you betray your buddy and crush her heart, you bet your ASS she is going to have to talk about it...a LOT. Do NOT take this from the person you've offended. Even if you are sick of hearing about it...blame yourself for having to. You wouldn't at all had you not burned them. Now, they can't be violent or psycho about it., but it is expected that a hurt person expresses just that....their hurt.

Does the offending party have a history of being dishonest and hurtful towards others? If so, this person is going to have to prove their worth to you through consistent behavior. This doesn't mean a month, sometimes, it can take years. I had my best friend in life betray me in my teen years. The angst and hurt I felt at losing her and our group of friends (they sided with her, she was more popular) was devastating. I started using drugs heavily and strayed off my path. It was a time I needed friends the MOST (I was raped). When she came back into my lifer a few years ago, I held her at arms length. Unfortunately, It doesn't look like I will ever be able to develop anything outside of being acquaintances.

As for lovers, I have a LONG list of past betrayals. Things that rocked my world, changed my life path, made me feel insecure in myself, etc. I have never had much success in rebuilding trust in relationships, so I can't speak on it. Lies, for me, purposeful deception, is a HUGE No No in my book. It means you MEANT to lie to me...and I can have a hard time seeing why someone like that is in my life.

So, what do YOU guys think? Can trust be rebuilt between friends...lovers? How many offenses is too much? Does the duration of the lie or the hidden secret come into play? 

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