THE CURIOUS CASE OF 'INDIAN HEAD SHAKING'

This is a satire.

You can take an Indian out of India but not India out of an Indian and what sets Indians apart is our distinct 'head shaking' that boggles non Indians.

My Chemistry teacher, Mrs Chan (pseudonym) is a Chinese and whenever she asks us, her of Indian descent students, questions, especially me, I'd shake my head so Indian-ish, she doesn't understand whether I understood her question or not. And, I sometimes, I understand her question and sometimes I don't and when I don't, I shake my head in every direction that it makes my poor teacher dizzy. Nonetheless, by some miracle, I passed in my Chemistry subject thanks to the Indian idiosyncrasy.

Shaking heads and Indians are inseparable and I'm not talking head banging /m\. I am talking about the Indian way of communicating by head movements and this will be helpful to non Indians who have to deal with Indians on a daily basis.

Here goes:

Shaking the head up and down several times means YES, an APPROVAL

Shaking the head from left to right several times means NO, a DISSAPROVAL

Shaking the head anyhow means, MAYBE, MAYBE NOT, I KNOW, BUT I DON'T KNOW, I UNDERSTAND, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND, YEAH BABY, I AM CONFUSED and ANYTHING WILL DO. Mostly, it is done to confuse people, esp non Indians like I did to my Chinese Chemistry teacher.

A quick single nod and a quick blink means he/she is calling you.

A quick single head jerk upwards with eyebrows raised means, "What's up?" This head movement is also used by guys to hit on girls and the probability to be hit back by a slap is high.

A wink along with a sidelong head jerk means, "Carry on."

A wink with a sidelong jerk and head nodding from side to side means, "Hey dude, that girl is hot no?" or, "Booze tonight? Count me in." This one is exclusively for guys.

A cringe, followed by a quick flurry of the head moving from left to right and ending with shrugged shoulders ranges from meaning, PATHETIC, YUCK, ACUTE DISLIKE and NAUSEA. This movement is exclusively for girls.

Have you ever seen Indian classical dances like Bharathanatyam, Kathak or Odissi? Head movements are liberally incorporated.

Have you ever seen an Indian sing or listening to songs? Their heads become vibrators and this is especially true and glaring in Indian classical singers. Their head movements tally with the vocals and pitch - if it's a high pitch note, the Indian would raise his head upwards, mouth agape and otherwise for low pitch and as for all the vocals in between, the head goes into paroxysms of twitches and jerks at all directions. For those unfamiliar with this sight would think that the singer is having a seizure attack while singing.

Oh well, we just happen to be an expressive bunch of people - we are born and cultured this way and we won't change it for the world. 

P/S:  Mrs Chan, thank you for being so gracious.

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