DIWALI'S SIGNIFICANCE, GONE?

On this eve of Diwali, my mom was lamenting about the price hike of chicken and it prompted a conversation between her and my brother and it is as follows: 

My bro,"Why do we celebrate Diwali?"

My mom,"To commemorate the slaying of Nargasura (demon) by Lord Krishna."

My bro,"Why did Lord Krishna slay Nargasura?"

My mom, now a little bit annoyed,"It's because Nargasura tortured and killed lots of people."

My bro,"What do we cook and eat on Diwali morning?"

My mom,"Chicken curry and idly (Indian steamed rice cakes)"

My bro,"Are we any different from Nargasura?

My mom,"What do you mean son?"

My bro,"Lord Krishna slayed Nargasura because he tortured and killed many people. We celebrate Diwali remembering the sadist being killed but then we kill other lives and eat their meat on Diwali day. We are no different from Nargasura."

My mom grew silent.

This conversation above begs the question. Are we really aware of Diwali's significance and adhere by it?

The real way Diwali should be celebrated according to the Hindu scriptures is everyone must observe vegetarianism on that day, as per ahimsa (non violence tenet in Hinduism) and be quiet in piety and spend time in the sanctum sanctorum of the house.

No booze, no glutton, no fire crackers, no overspending, no partying, no non vegetarian food, no gossiping and strictly no self serving agendas.

Is the above the case now? I am afraid not.

Diwali is now an excuse for some to splurge on clothes, house deco items, fire crackers and food, some even taking debt to fulfill their Diwali celebration contained in a skewed obligation.

Drinking on Diwali day has become a near Diwali tradition when one can have the licence to drink themselves stupid.

Taking excess food on Diwali and the dumping of food simply because there is no more place in one's stomach to stomach more food is a common scene nowadays. There are a lot of hungry mouths and empty tummies who will gladly eat up the food you just dumped into the trash can.

And Diwali is perhaps the most commercialized festival ever.

Nowadays, Diwali is not Diwali unless you have at least 3 new clothes added to your already bursting at the seams wardrobe.

Before you buy that expensive silk sari to join your collection of other silk saris in your wardrobe, spare a moment of thought of those who can't even afford to have one new piece of clothing to wear on Diwali.

And then there are Diwali advertisements, some featuring half naked women and film stars wishing Happy Diwali. 

Diwali is not about keeping everything, in the form of niceties only to yourself and your family.

Diwali is about counting your blessings and share the blessings you happen to have with those who are not-so-fortunate-as-you-having-a-family-who-cares-and-loves-you-for-365-days. You can't give such units of society a family for a lifetime; at least give them a family once a year and spread cheer.

Diwali doesn't come once in a lifetime; it comes once a year so go easy on your wallet.

Have a blessed and meaningful Diwali everyone.

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RELIGIOUS NONSENSE AS IT IS

Sir Paul McCartney of the Beatles has simple concept regarding his spirituality. God is Good with an extra 'o' and Evil is Devil with an extra 'd'. 

I was reading his interview and thought that it makes perfect sense. Good (god) and evil (devil) both exist within us and our call is to promote the growth of good in us and kill the evil in us. Simple it is. 

Atheists argue that gods were created by the human brain. It is nothing but a figment of mankind's imagination although aliens might have gave mankind a few starters, like some atheists believe. Extra-terrestrial intervention is perhaps more reasonable than the existence of Gods and demigods and theism. Notice how all religions worship towards the sky? It is most probable that aliens had visited mankind in the past and it is to that remnants that mankind interpreted as religions and the professing of a saviors, in the past and in the future to arrive on earth to destroy, then exhume mankind again. Nothing hardly happens in the present. It is all contained in the past or future and the condition to believe and have faith.

Now, leave aliens out of the picture and focus on God and religion.

At the dawn of human colonization of the earth, mankind was overawed by natural phenomenons like rain, eclipses, thunder and lightning, the might of the oceans, how trees grow reaching up to the sky, volcanic activity and basically the flow of life and death and moral codes like gratitude and abstinence.

With that awe and wonder, humans convinced themselves that there must be some cryptic, invisible power behind all these natural phenomenons, someone or something that controls all the mind boggling activities unfurling before their very eyes.  

For example, Vikings believed that eclipses were caused by some kind of celestial power that lords over them. So, when sun eclipses unfold, they scream, chant and beg for mercy from the divine entity whom they believe is behind the ominous, terrifying event.

Sure enough, in a short while, the moon passes its course and the sun shines again.

And, the Vikings rejoiced, saying that by their 'worship' GOD has showed His amazing grace. 

As the world revolved and evolved, mankind went on to form great civilizations, notably the Egyptian, Greek and Roman empires. These civilizations went on to give the celestial beings they believe responsible for inception, conservation and annihilation of everything earthly names, emotions and human forms, the application of anthropomorphism. In due course of time, these empires crumbled and other civilizations replaced them, together with newfangled theism.

Down the winding, tortuous time lane, science kicked in and a plethora of astronomers and scientists, began to explain the truth and empirical facts behind the natural phenomenons which challenged religious establishments and later, wronged them, instances which greatly humbled religions. 

If we are united in the name of religions, all is well. The thing is, it is not the case. Bloodthirsty, sadistic religion promises martyrdom to those who kill fellow humans. Religion too endorses that a man of a particular faith should reject other humans for practicing a different religious establishment. What kind of god stipulates that humans should kill and hate each other?

All religions has bathed in human blood in order to glorify each other. In the notion of if you are not with me, you are against me is the religion extremism and the cause for much destruction. That is why we have so many sects and denominations; it is because somebody had some 'visions' and it makes them anointed, canonized religious leaders who can enslave, subjugate women, kill at will and decide who shall live and who shall not. 

And, that is why religions are the bane of humanity. 

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A MESSAGE FOR YOUNG INDIAN MEN

This article contains crude language. Reader discretion is advised.

Dear young Indian males, 

Does this dialogue below sound familiar?

"Hey, how is that girl?" prods a young Indian man to another.

"She's definitely hot but I don't think she is marriage material." his friend counters.

"Why do you say like that? What's wrong with her?" the young Indian man presses on curiously.

"Hmm, let's just say she is a lock that has been opened by many keys. She is messed up, her ex told me. If I were you, I'll stay away from that girl."

The young Indian man grouses,"It seems that are no good Indian girls nowadays. They are all sluts and bitches."

"So true," his friend say as they walk away, shaking their heads with repugnance and it is a matter of time until another girl become their target to moral police.

Shocked by the sheer blunt conversation? Don't be. It is real and it is happening in the young Indian male fraternity as we speak.

I am not narrowing this down to only Indians. As a matter of fact, the dialogue above is true for cultures that place heavy emphasis on the chastity of girls. But, this is a conversation that shouldn't happen in this age and time, regardless of the culture.

For women who choose not to be sexually active before marriage, it is their choice and I don't have a problem with it. I only have a bone to pick with men and some women who consider the whole worth of a girl lies in a freaking fragile membrane between her legs. This epitomes all that is wrong in the Indian society, something fundamentally and terrifically flawed Indian ethos.

Indian men can go around having one night stands while Indian women are supposed to be the manifestation of Sita, always on cue to jump into flames lest her chastity gets doubted. And, we call Lord Ram as the perfect man when he doubted his better half and later abandoned her, when she was pregnant with his children in a jungle when hearsay fell on his ears. If this kind of traits in men are considered righteous, it doesn't get anymore sick than that.

And, it doesn't help with Indian cinema dishing out this 'good girl' vs 'bold girl' image with plots advocating that only meek, submissive girls who blush bashfully at the mere mention of sex are wife material

Perhaps two stellar Tamil movies I watched that describe my rant in the above aptly are Padaiyappa and Thimuru with 2 assertive and bold women characters essayed by Ramya Krishnan and Shreya Reddy, better known as Neelambari and Eswari after the roles they respectively played in both movies.

I bet many Indians clapped and cheered in theater when the leading hero characters played by Rajinikanth and Vishal in both movies get the rebellious, opinionated, head strong ladies to pull their punches around men, telling them to behave like a woman, not like a man. This notion is not a cinematic liberty. It is a product of the patriarchal Indian society that is aghast when a woman is bold and aggressively expressive and this perceived ideal is excessively being stuffed into the ensuing generations.

In the movie Padayappa, Rajini would 'classify' women in Sanskrit; Saathvigam (the respectful, timid marriageable women), Prachothagam (girls a man would bang then leave) and Bayanagam (women that cause men mortal fear) and say that they should be pronounced properly. At that moment, I got convinced that both Rajini and Sanskrit failed Indian women.

One might argue that Rajini simply cited what was on the script but if he really advocates that women should not be categorized as such, he should have turned the script down. What if women classify men as such? I'm certain that many men would rise up and say,"You woman! How dare you classify men, you bitch!"

There is a general idea for some young Indian males that if an Indian woman dates, goes clubbing, drinks and smokes, she is only good to bed once then leave her after mission is accomplished. Such guys then move on to marry a priggish, homely girl. The ultimate pre-requisite in finding a bride for such men is that her hymen is intact and her body, 'untouched'. If you ask me, it is sexual performance anxiety on behalf of the men, that they can't handle a sexually experienced, confident girl.

The common Indian perception is that a sexually active girl cannot be righteous. It is because sexual purity has become a yardstick for appraising good character in Indian women.

You think only men have sexual urges? No! Girls are hormonal beings as well and experience sexual urges. While we tell girls to suppress their sexual urges, guys are told it is okay if they can't control their penises if they are in a girl's company.

Girls who are not virgins are looked upon as slutty and promiscuous.

But, Indian young men seem to be oblivious of a simple equation that doesn't take an Einstein to figure out; common sense would suffice but many guys will their common sense away when dealing with this issue.

In order for a girl to lose her virginity, there should be a partner in the form of a guy. In the aftermath, all the blame and shame are piled up on the girl and the guy is free from persecution and goes on screwing more girls with impunity. And then, they say that it is the girl's fault for not resisting.

Recently in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, a guy stripped his girlfriend naked in a historical building and ran off with her clothes when she didn't consent to have sex with him. So now I suppose it is the girl's fault that she got stripped off her clothes and left naked. If she had agreed to have sex with him, he wouldn't have left her in such a lurch.

And then this claim among young Indian men that they are virgins and expect their bride to be a virgin too. I'd say that such men would have pounced on the opportunity to have sex like a cheetah. They happen not to have such chances at their disposal.

What if their virgin wife has indulged in oral and anal sex prior to marriage? It doesn't count I suppose. 

Purity lies in the mind, not in a freaking membrane between a girl's legs.

The choice of being sexually active or chaste should not be central in defining a woman. Instead of putting virgin on top of your checklist when appraising a woman, try putting qualities like intellectual, intelligence, independence uppermost and watch where it takes you.

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SORDID INDIAN MALE MENTALITY

The content below has raw descriptions. Reader discretion is advised.

She was a daughter. She was a sister. She was 23. She was a medical student. She had her whole life ahead of her. But, now she is no more. Her only crime? Being a woman. That is her only crime and for that she was raped and brutalized beyond reason. She fought, battled for her life for 15 days until she breathed her last on 29th December 2012.

For many of us, this is just a news; it will be forgotten in two weeks time until another similar horror story that sends shivers up our spines crop up and we will forget about it in due time as well. We have a convenient short memory.

This brave girl's struggle and eventual death should not be given into oblivion. Justice must be delivered to the demonic beings who perpetrated this crime. To hell with human rights when it comes to persecute these criminals. A punishment so severe that would cut another loose erection must be meted on those diabolic satans.

Well, one of the rapists committed suicide in jail, the minor-at-the-time-he-perpetrated-the-crime was sentenced to 3 years probation in a juvenile home while the rest were given death sentences. 

Let this be the last of such heart wrenching incident everywhere in the world. I am sure that it would have been the last wish of the brave, brave girl. Let us make her wish come true.

Less than a year of her death, has change for the better happened?

I am afraid not.

I was cruising on Facebook the other day when a chatter popped up and showed me a link which directed me to a photo of 2 full sized women in their late 30s or early 40s, clad in low back cut saree jackets. They were bending down, their respective meaty tush, in full display. I took a glance at it and didn't note a fellow standing next to the amply endowed ladies until the chatter pinpointed him to me, telling me to see his reaction.

The fellow was grabbing his crotch; he was erecting and was on the verge of masturbating. I was condemning the vulgar gesture, that too at ladies who are old enough to be his mother. The chatter professed, "See, this is what happens when you dress like that." I was completely seething at his rationale and hissed at him like a banshee in angst.

What a depraved mentality! Okay, so does covering up from head to toe and wearing a burqa stop guys (I don't mean all guys, just some jerks who drool at the sight of a woman's toe) from looking at girls with ill intentions and curb sexual harassment?

It is a fact that girls maintain their figure and dress up fashionably to be noticed but that doesn't mean that they can be subjected to unwanted attention referring to verbal and physical sexual harassment.

What if your sister or daughter wear skimpy, racy clothes? Will you rape them and later justify that their dressing turned you on when the perversion is in your mind.

The core of the problem lies in the orthodox Indian patriarchy system where women are forced into submission; rebellion, entirely forbidden and if a woman dares to speak her mind, she will be brutally silenced with rape or other means like battering, splashing acid on face among others being tools to achieve complete subjection. Should the woman being raped try to fight the rapist off, she will be bloodied in order to teach a lesson on male supremacy and to put her in 'her place'.

Mothers tell their daughters to dress modestly, don't stay out at late nights and be careful at all times. They don't tell their sons to treat women as equals and should be respected as equal units of the society and that that no woman deserves to be raped no matter how immodestly she dresses, whether she is out at night and is alone are not an invitation to rape. That is why our society is as it is. Respect and recognition for women starts at home.

The rise of extreme porn is also contributing to the sadistic way a woman's chastity gets outraged. In extreme porn, lubricants are used in order to facilitate penetration.These satans in human form rip virgin girls' hymen apart by ramming foreign objects into their underside which inflicts excruciating pain.

This is plainly sick. Even animals don't do this. A new word needs to be coined to describe these creatures who are definitely not human in any definition.

How about ramming a bottle up their anus and tell them to run and whip them if they stop running.

Seems legit, doesn't it. I mean, why not?

But this is not a cure; it is only an atonement. 

This mentality that women are inferior and should always be under a man's whim and fancy needs to be nipped in the bud. Teach boys from a young age to respect their complementing half and that they are equal. Treat boys and girls equally.

In my family, there is a relative that practice extreme patriarchy. They have an only daughter and 3 sons. The daughter is made to clean up after all three of her male siblings' mess and do household chores while her male siblings play. The boys don't wash their plates after eating; their sister washes their dirty plates. Her Dad blamed her for his recent misfortune. This is happening now, in this age. And. this is what encourages male chauvinism and utter disdain for females.

This is one case that I have seen. Goodness knows how many analogous cases are out there and how many sadistic rapists and perverts are forming or roaming at large who see women only as sexual objects.

Disable the core causal factor of rape and sexual harassment. Heavy penalties seem ineffective in curbing rape. Prevention is better than cure. Male mentality needs to be changed in the primordial stage, at inception. Maybe then sex crimes would grind to a halt. 

I hope Nirbhaya gets her wish. Better late than never.

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A PERSPECTIVE ON ATHEISM

More and more people especially young people are rejecting religious indoctrination and the image of God nowadays.

A large number of theists  perceive atheism as a religion that rejects other religions. If atheism is a religion then unemployment is a job. That’s how ill-fitting it is.

The term, atheism, should not exist in the first place. It is simply an admission of the obvious. Atheists are moved by a dedication for reason. Saying that the earth is only several thousand years old and filling your petrol tank with fossil fuel formed billions of years ago in the earth’s crust defies all logic.

There are no terms to describe people who believe Michael Jackson is still alive or people who believe that Richard Dawkins is the Satan. Same goes to atheism. It is a state of self realization and introspection. Skepticism is the tool – atheism is the consequence. The lack of reason in religions brings about skepticism which births atheism.  Atheism is merely noise reasonable people generate in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs. It is ironic that people outgrow from believing in fairy tales but not God when both simply don’t have manifestation evidence.

Atheists are said to be amoral because there is a perception that one is not capable to be good without god.  To atheists, morality exists outside religion and even predates religion. This means humans are fundamentally capable to display ethical behavior without the promise of reward or threat of punishment to be virtuous . It is something innate and natural, a psychological condition controlled by conscience. This extends many atheists into humanism where the emphasis is on the work of improving human condition, rather than worshiping god, realizing that two working hands can do more than a thousand hands clasped in prayer.

Atheists don’t hate God or religion. Atheists simply don’t believe in god and buy religious indoctrination. How to hate something that doesn't exist or non evident or believed to be non existent? The question is flawed in itself. And, there are no Christian atheists, Hindu atheists or Islam atheists. Atheists encompass when it comes to God, be it Jesus, Lord Vishnu or Allah as well as religions. Some believers put their hands down that atheists worship the Satan. Since you don’t believe in God, you must believe in the Devil right? So myopic is their view point. Satan manifests in religious scriptures as God’s enemy and like how atheists don’t believe in god, they don’t believe in Satan either in any form, be it a talking snake or a fallen angel on the same wavelength on how Jesus walked on water and how Hanuman tried to eat the sun up simply because it defies all logic and reason.

Atheists are not bigots. Atheists are receptive to new facts and evidence to supersede their existing form of thought and cognitive and critical thinking process. This is why many people of science are atheists. Science is able to rule out previous scientific establishments with new discoveries. Science corrects itself when it is wrong, and gains explanatory power in the process whereas religious scriptures are not susceptible to change, being static and immutable.

Below is an interview with an eloquent atheist who walks among us:

QS: When did you find yourself drawn to atheism and what is the reason behind it?

Well there is two parts to this. I naturally became an atheist by the time I finished high school. I use the word naturally, because I think I never really believed in a god since a very small child.

So, whatever phases I went through in between, including praying, visiting places of worship and godmen etc etc was more because of the superstitious society and community I grew up in, rather than because I thought there was a god. It’s like a fake relationship, sooner or later you will realize the waste of time.

QS:  Were you a closet atheist at any stage in your life in which you didn't believe in god?

Well I was brought up by my dads sisters until I was seven and they were Christian converts. So my early childhood included Sunday schools and church. As a child, i realized that this god was even more unreliable than my aunt’s rusted car. They  thought me to be good and do good and god will always protect you. God disappeared when my literature teacher decided to beat the crap out of me and many, many more incidents in my young life. So as a young child, i soon realized that this god is most probably a part timer.

QS: When did you decide to go open with your atheism and how others reacted to it?

I remember sitting on the staircase leading to the top floor of our house in and sulking because my aunt refused to take me to KFC and buy me the robot watch. Than I remembered god.  So I started cursing god with all the bad words i knew at that age. You know, sitting in the semi darkness cursing at god, challenging him to do his best. When I thought about that day, I realized the reason why I was cursing and insulting god and picking a fight with him was because I naturally knew there was no such thing as god.

I was barely five years old when this happened.

I was five and I instinctively understood that this god adults talk about, something is wrong with him because he does not behave or function like how adults told me he would.

The last time I was religiously ritual was when I was 12.  A one year period. The prayers altar was my domain. Dropped it like a ton of elephant dung when one day I asked myself why am I kidding myself. Again the proof of gods absenteeism, both in real life and in attending to the duties that prescribed omnipresence to him led me to atheism.

So I don’t visit the places of worship of the religion my family espouse out of my own vocation. But I do go through the rituals when its family prayer day at the local places of worship. It was like a social outing. That was until I was about 19. That was the first time I realized how religion and superstition actually harms people.

QS:  Please elaborate 'harm'

My cousin committed suicide. I was very close to him. I was overseas and from what little news I heard of him, I knew that he was chronically depressed and his binge drinking aggravated things. Than the binge drinking brought an even more serious problem, paranoid schizophrenia. Anyway, every time I talk to my mom I tell her,” Look, he needs medical attention.” His immediate family are big believers in this religious pile of junk. So they kept taking him from one temple to another as well as from one religious practitioner to another. I told my mom he is going to either harm himself or harm someone else seriously if we don't intervene. Anyway sometime shortly there after he came back from his binge fully loaded and he downed half a bottle of paraquat

So that is one of the first example I saw how religion actually directly harms people.

He had twins who were seven years old at that time.

QS: I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Final question, are you raising your kids as atheists?

I have thought of this issue briefly, but I have not made any conclusions yet as I believe its still early and I have time. Can we raise atheists? I don't think we can. Atheism is a state of self awareness. A person cannot achieve self awareness if he has been denied the very basis of what leads a person to that state of self realization. So far, from what little thought i have given the subject, I believe that it’s far more important for me to ground the values of my children on the concept of humanism. That is far more important. When you impart strong values based on reality, than the need for them to find values in fairy tales and tall stories will not arise.

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ATTENTION FACEBOOK-ING GIRLS!!

Lately, Facebook pages which highlight girls based heavily on their scant dressing sense have mushroomed in full view for the masses worldwide.

Such pages' admins justify that they are teaching a lesson on how to dress and behave to these girls while calling them sluts, bitches, whores, etc. In the lame pretext of moral policing the girls, those who operate the pages allow vulgar comments and the soliciting of the mobile numbers from fans of the girls featured on such pages. And, they call this 'educating' 'vehicles' and playgirls and those girls who reveal their body publicly in Facebook.

And then there are girls who provide a surplus of material for these sick minds to prey on.

In case you are wondering what 'vehicle' means figuratively, it means a ride, pinpointing girls that random guys can screw.

Not a pretty term, I know.

The people who comment against such pages, me included will be bombarded with pure profanity by the admin..

It is astounding how much profanity I have to undergo in order to knock some sense into all those admins operating pages that demean girls like anything. Perhaps they hold a doctorate for cussing. 

For those girls who upload pics of them in revealing clothes and bath towels why are you doing what you are doing? Have some discretion and express yourself and worthiness by your intelligence and wit and not by your capability of dressing and posing like Snookie or Sunny Leone. They get paid to reveal their physique and you do it gratuitously. Why?? 

I can take wild guesses WHY.

You think, (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are innocent and unassuming of the bad, bad world out there) that showing off such revealing pictures of yours to get some likes. Well, honey, there is more to life than likes on Facebook.

And, another one, attention seeking at all the wrong ends and means. If a guy comments, "Hot and sexy" on your photo of you wearing little cloth, you will like it and the message you give to the guy is that yes, you are indeed easy game and he will take every chance to screw you.

You will happily lap up all the attention but the moment you find out that your pics have been featured on such pages, you will go, "OMG! Noooo." and rush to salvage what little dignity you have left.

Well, my friends and I are trying to fight for your dignity here because we are women just like you.

Of course you have the freedom to dress and upload your photos as you like but as you go about it, you should take all the precautions necessary so that your photos don't fall into the wrong hands. 

Your body is  your temple and your responsibility.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt for your apparent lack of understanding on online media security and your  frivolity in adding friends which also contribute for the misuse of your photos and they end up in such pages by the doing of your 'friends'. 

Leave such pages, your so called friends might have saved your pics in their PCs and circulate them in porn sites without you knowing nothing about it. Don't be so innocent like Little Red Riding Hood. Know that bad big wolves are at every turn you take in life and in this case, online.

If you have the fetish to upload scantily clad photos of yours on Facebook, set the privacy appropriately. Facebook has given you that choice. If you choose for your photo to be viewed publicly, face both the positive and negative consequences that comes with your choice.

Before you jump at me that I'm outdated and irrelevant to present times and even stuck in the Dark and Puritan ages while you girls are civilized, know that being civilized also means knowing that uncivilized people live among us and in order for them not to show their incivility, you should be discreet in whatever you do especially your activities in Facebook and other social networks in order to stay safe.

This clamor that we are modern girls so we dress modern rings shallow when what you are doing is just aping the West. Being modern means being independent and sentient in what is happening around you and choose what is right for you instead of just mimicking Kim Kardashian or Eva Longoria.

Trouble comes to women in many faces. It is wise to not invite more trouble online because we already have ample trouble in real life.

I am a girl as well and I never upload my full photos in Facebook because I know there are sickos out there who might misuse my photos.

I am talking solely about Facebook activities but since I am already at it, I might as well add some other pertinent points that involves girls' chastity and social reform and mindset change.

We have to drill into males not to rape and label women condescendingly when they show some skin publicly.. The phenomenon does not pave way for males to maliciously brand her and it is not an invitation to rape. Even children, old women and burqa clad women are raped. This fact extends to the fact that dress sense doesn't encourage rape; it is the sick minds that drives rape; all they want is a vagina to pound. 

But, we live in a patriarchal society and society can't be changed overnight. It takes time. Women are always perceived inferior to men. Women are told not to be bold like boys and boys are told not to cry like girls. This is the root that we should attack and arrest and we should start it with our brothers, sons and male friends. Even if a female walks naked in public, there is no any males right to touch even her pinky finger without her consent. Lets teach our sons that value. Remember that Rome was not built in a day. Great things take time and entrenched establishments take time to defuse.

This is not bigoted bullshit by a seemingly educated individual. (me). It is the understanding that uncivilized people, wayward, morons with sick tendencies who perhaps don't have proper jobs and resort to crime as well as lechers also live in our civilized world, walking amongst us. We know that snatch theft is rife so we avoid wearing gold jewelry outside. We know that our homes are vulnerable for robbery so we double check our house lock system to curb it. We know that we might drown while swimming so we use a float. Likewise.

Be smart girls and err in the safe side!!

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OF BEAUTY PAGEANTS AND THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY

I was watching a recent beauty pageant and it struck me how the clarification of beauty is defined, the yardstick of what's alluring and what is not, And, it just seemed not right.

The classifications of statistics of 'figure' which is perfect and desirable are liberally incorporated when beauty pageants were founded and then commercialized. And then, the girls are being 'objectified' rather than 'identified'.

Beauty pageants have this particular, narrow category of what 'beauty' is. Certain statistics are considered pulchritude, others, unsightly or even grotesque.

Beauty pageants never acknowledge women's individuality and they never represent women everywhere like the contestants so often claim, that they want to empower women everywhere.

Okay, one may argue that it is not everything about external appearance; it's about some brain muscle too. But, can brainy plus sized, short women win a beauty pageant? 

Forget winning, can she even be allowed to enter a beauty pageant? Of course not because she is considered ineligible for not having a certain 'figure' and 'height'. Women come in all shapes and sizes and to say that certain shape is beautiful and others are not is downright demoralizing and unfair.

You may say that in the same way, over sized men can't win Mr Universe; they gotta do what it takes; hit the gym and build those rippling muscles. But Mr World is rather underplayed compared to beauty pageants for women; I'm talking about which is more prevalent and publicized more.

As for actors and actresses, they come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and mesmerize audience with their talent rather than their appearance.

This epidemic of beauty pageants exists to satiate voyeuristic males. It is men's way of saying they rule over women. You might say that there is a question session where the contestants' intellect is put to the test but it is only for about 5 minutes and less, the rest of the pageant's session consists of showing skin.

I am not against girls flaunting their assets but they should be comfortable with their body no matter if their size is zero or XXL. But what is the message beauty pageants convey to ordinary girls out there? That fat is bad news and girls who are on the heavier side are rated not beauty queen material.

At a time where women stand shoulder to shoulder with men, it's a shame that women are still viewed as objects of sexual gratification rather than she being seen as the person beyond her body and gender. Her capability, capacity, potential and dynamism as an opposite number and a team player to men should be acknowledged first and foremost because that is what stays and makes a lasting impression.

A woman's physical beauty will fade out with age but her inner beauty defies time.

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INDIA'S AGE OLD FETISH FOR FAIR SKIN CHALLENGED

Asian nations, particularly India has an obsession with fair skin. Dark skin is snubbed as ugly and this is overwhelmingly true for women there.

Rosalyn D'Mello, a journalist based in India’s capital New Delhi, still recalls how her family and friends used to mock her because of her dark complexion when she was a young girl.

"They used to call me kaali (black), ‘blacky’ and even ‘negro’ because of my dark skin," she said.

"My mother was cruel about my skin shade. She wanted me to use 'Fair and Lovely'," a skin lightening cream," D’Mello said. "I don’t believe in the norm that equates beauty with skin colour."

Many women in India share Rosalyn’s dilemma on a daily basis.

The desire in India for lighter skin is fueled by a widespread belief that dark-skin is ugly and inferior. Not only is fair skin perceived to be a key definer of beauty, but also seen to be an essential element of self-confidence, success, and happiness. Even matrimonial ads add conditions like, “Fair skinned girl is preferred,”

This immense pressure on the dark skinned women in India paved way to a booming multi million industry of beauty products that guarantee to make dark complexion fair.

For those who can afford it, they bleach their skin.

A public outcry occurred in India recently when a cream to lighten the skin around the vagina was launched by a cosmetic manufacturer last year.

Traditionally, skin color was used to determine caste; fair skinned people are attributed to belong to the upper castes and dark skinned people are considered as belonging to lower castes.

This prejudice is not helped by the Indian film industry, namely Bollywood which idolizes fair skin especially in actresses. Dark skinned actors in India can be counted out and this is in the leading actors and actresses scope.

Recently, Shah Rukh Khan, a leading Bollywood actor endorsed the Fair and Handsome ad and it sparked outrage in India and many criticized the actor for being a ‘colorist.'

Shah Rukh Khan is not alone. Many of his colleagues and counterparts like Priyanka Chopra, John Abraham, and south Indian actor Surya among others have endorsed such ads that ingrains the idea that only by being fair one can reach great heights. It is indeed very demoralizing and derailing, this stressing that no matter how good one in school or job, being dark skinned is a drawback that hinders opportunities.  

Nandita Das, a dark skinned, critically acclaimed Indian actress have had movie directors and camera persons telling her to bleach her skin and she refused to pander to their directives.

Now, Das is campaigning against the toxic belief that a person’s worth is measured by the fairness of their skin.

A NGO known as Women of Worth (WOW), which is based in Chennai, Tamil Nadu is countering this skin color bias by promoting a campaign called ‘Dark is Beautiful’ and Nandita Das is backing the campaign with a string of taglines that calls on Indians to ‘Stay Unfair, Stay Beautiful.”

"I have always been very outspoken about this issue, but till recently it was more informal," Das, known for critically acclaimed films such as "Fire" and "Earth", told Al Jazeera in an email interview. "As the issue impacts so many people, young girls in particular, by default I have become a champion of it." 

Nandita Das says:

“Being dark skinned does not determine the worth of a person. Be comfortable in your own skin. Don’t let others rob you off your self esteem.”

For many career women like D’Mello, the hues of their skin have not been a stumble block for their success but for millions of other women, the case is otherwise.

"Now the colour of my skin has become a very large part of life, it has become my identity," D’Mello said. "It no longer bothers me."

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FROM BRIGHT STUDENT TO MOM AT 18

I finished my secondary school in a relatively unpopular all girls high school.

When I started 8th grade, I befriended Suzy, (not her real name), a girl with dusky complexion who was a bright student and also my school mate who lived in my neighborhood. She was also my school bus mate and sure enough, in due time, we became close friends.

I was a public bus virgin before high school. There were co-curricular activities in school on Saturdays and since school buses do not operate on weekends, public transportation became a means to an end for me.

Suzy was my constant company during such trips to and fro school on Saturdays as well as the town’s public library where we went to study initially.

Henceforth, I witnessed Suzy's steady decline in studies which took place in a span of two years of schooling and my mingling with her to places we traveled and went to together.

Suzy somehow befriended unsavory characters in school in the form of unruly and domineering seniors who were literally outcasts. They were always accosted by the discipline teacher for breaching school rules.

Next to our all girls high school, there was an all boys high school.

Before the school bell rings, some boys and girls from both schools can be seen loitering in the platforms of shop lots situated in front of both high schools. The same is true after school, while waiting for transportation to travel back home or who knows where.

Suzy was a compulsive flirt. I was her unwilling companion on those endeavors at the city bus central. Whenever she embarks on such quests, I will be standing by her, numbed and dumbed.

Suzy hooked up with our school bus driver's son who became his Dad's apprentice after dropping out from school and the duo have been exchanging amorous eye contact with each other for some time, aboard the school bus. In fact, it was Suzy who boldly told her feelings for him via the public phone and I was there.. for moral support of some sort although I was totally against her idea. 

I was too altruistic and friends are not supposed to oppose whatever foolishness his or her friend is getting into. If your friend is doing something stupid, you join in. That is the whole idea of friendship in teen years. Peer pressure is crazy when you are a teen.

It was like an obligation for each girl and boy in high schools to couple up and start dating as young as 13. Those who don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend were scorned and laughed at. I belonged to the former group and I faced the repercussions.

I have been to Suzy's house and she introduced me to her parents and younger brother. 

Suzy too, invited herself to my place and insisted on borrowing my garb. Even though I knew that I will be in hot soup if my Mom learns that I've lent my garb to a friend, I willed the gut wrenching feeling away and gave Suzy one my clothes which she liked. It was a black and white Alien Workshop ladies tee sporting a plunging V neck and little did I know that Suzy planned to don it on a date with her boyfriend.

It was only the day she returned my tee that she said she wore it on an outing with the now, 'the love of her life'. Then, she showed me the hickeys he gave her on her neck and chest and told me that it led them to sex.

I just froze. She was wearing my clothes while she was at it. The very thought was revolting but I didn't say anything to her. Once home, I washed and scrubbed my tee with Dynamo to my heart's content.

Suzy, wearing my garb to make out with her boyfriend put the final nail in the coffin. I decided not to borrow her my clothes anymore.

The next time Suzy asked for my clothes again, I told her that my Mom found out that I had lent her my tee and that she forbade me to do such thing again. It was a white lie but it worked.

Soon after my refusal to lend Suzy clothes, she went on shopping sprees at a boutique situated at the shop in front of our school. I was her constant companion during such shopping splurges.

Suzy also began gorging on expensive snacks like Snickers bars, Peel Fresh, Kit Kat, etc that she bought from a mini market while waiting for the school bus after school.

I continued visiting Suzy's place and I observed her family’s prudent lifestyle. It was just a couple of notches down from lower middle class.

At that time, Suzy had already begun to neglect her studies and was going on an orgy of illicit sexual adventures with her boyfriend who is much older than her. Her parents knew nothing of this.

I begun to wonder from where she gets all the money from. Her parents were not well heeled, so it was a paradox. I thought that perhaps they were giving it to her so that she would not feel deprived. Little did I know I would be embroiled in Suzy's ploy in this money matters.

During sports practice, my classmate, Angie (not her real name) gave me her billfold for safekeeping when her turn to do the long jump in the sand pit came. I wanted to go to the loo and I gave Angie's wallet to Suzy. I trusted Suzy. It was a major mistake.

I returned from the loo and got Angie's purse back from Suzy and returned it to my class mate when she asked for it.

Later, on the way home on public bus, Suzy gave me two  $10 notes, and told me to keep them until she asks them back. I innocently complied.

The next morning in school, there was a commotion outside my classroom and I came to know that the fuss was about Angie's money being stolen. Angie was stating that she lost two separate $10 notes and it hit me instantly that Suzy was the culprit and that the money she gave me belonged to Angie.

I produced the money forth in a heartbeat and convicted that Suzy was the one who gave me the money to keep and Angie, together with some of our other classmates and me marched to find and question Suzy. 

Suzy vehemently denied taking the money and nefariously framed me. A contention of accusation ensued and finally, Angie settled the dust. She gave both Suzy and me the benefit of doubt. I was not gratified by Angie's amiable gesture and I made it as evident as possible. I wanted to go to the discipline teacher to report this incident and clear my name but Angie pulled me aside and said she trusts me, not Suzy.

The case officially closed and my idea to get the school authority arbitrary intervention was put paid to.

After that bitter apple of discord, I stopped talking to Suzy and witnessed her deterioration from a distance; we took the same school bus and were schoolmates for five years after all. 

I got the hang of taking the town bus through the years and no longer needed Suzy's companionship

Days went to years and we became high school seniors.

Suzy didn't do well in the competency tests.  The news came by words of mouth from mutual friends and I didn't bother about it.

Suzy and I continued to drift apart until we were in our final year in school. I was travelling on my own track and Suzy, on her own track and it was bifurcated, going opposing directions.

I last saw Suzy on the last day of  final exam and bumped into her about 2 year later. 

What I saw literally made my jaw drop. Suzy was heavily carrying and she had one kid on tow. I just stood rooted to the spot. I just couldn't believe my eyes.

Suzy caught a glimpse of me. I mustered a smile as she made eye contact and she approached me.

"Hi, how are you?” she asked. Jolted out from the spell I was under, I stammered," Yeah, I’m fine.” I go nuts when I am nervous and I pointed to her bulging tummy and asked her,“When did this happen?”

Suzy replied in a small voice,”It’s nearing 7 months.

Suzy disclosed that she got pregnant with the school bus driver's son she was dating and when her parents came to know of her pregnancy, they disowned her and kicked her out of the house.

Having no other option, she married her boyfriend before she turned 18.

And, there was Suzy's toddler kid, holding onto his Mom's dress. I pinched his chubby cheeks and he gave me a smile that would warm the coldest of hearts.

It seems Suzy flunked her final exam. Wiping a tear off, she said in a thick voice that she regrets that she didn't get her priorities right. When she is supposed to be continuing her academic excellence, she had been gallivanting with boys.

At hindsight, I am feeling guilty. I had abandoned my friend whom I knew was travelling on the wrong track. I folded my arms and watched my friend get screwed.

Maybe some of you may think Suzy dug her own grave but if only I had thwarted her moves, she would be a somebody now. The point is, I did nothing to steer Suzy from the path of dereliction and I am filled with scruple.

Perhaps I didn't have the maturity and critical thinking like I have now. 

This is a story that needs to be told. School goers should set their priorities right. No use crying over spilt milk.

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