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I am an agnostic atheist and many people don't accept my free thinking characteristic.
I was born into a Hindu family but we weren't very religious. We had a praying altar and we'd pray twice a day, in the morning and in the evening, observe vegetarianism on Fridays and celebrate Hindu festivals with Diwali being the most grandly celebrated festival.
My Dad was not at all religious in his heyday; he wouldn't even clasp his hands in prayer let alone enter the prayers room and going to temples.
But, as old age caught up with my Dad, he began to explore his spirituality and religiously read the Bhagavad Gita, Vedas and Puranas. He also spent ample time praying. All I could see in my Dad was not a devout Hindu but a hypocrite.
In his prime, my Dad used to denounce religions arrogantly; he didn't care for espousing religion and did a cartwheel once he retired.
As far as I am concerned my Dad was buying his way to heaven out of fear should be he be deemed an infidel and spend eternity rotting in hell or take up multiple rebirths. (He had, since, passed on.) I'd say he was afraid of his own shadow; he was fearing the unknown and an entity that is yet to be proved to exist. GOD. This was the first blow that dented my spirituality.
The second blow was when I started reading the Gita and Purans in my preteen age. I don't tolerate the garbage in Purans and the caste system. When I read about Draupadi having 5 husbands in Mahabharata, my mind voice went, "What did I just read?!" I just couldn't digest it to this day as well as kings having many wives.
To atone the anomaly of such union in marriage, Draupadi is given a kanya status by Lord Krishna which is an elevated status of her retaining her virginity each morning after shower and remain a virgin all her life.
The same applies to four other kanyas, Kunti, Draupadi's mother-in law, Mandodari who is Raavan's wife and two more unpopular ones, Ahalya and Tara. All 5 of them are known as Panchakanyas (Panch = 5, Kanyas = Virgins) and the chanting of their names is claimed to dispel corporeal sins.
Purans have tortuous plots and numerous versions as well as sub stories. Honestly, I am yet to peruse all of em Purans but I like to read with a nonjudgemental mind first, then dissect and judge by the measure of morality and generally proposed virtues which almost always contradicts with wrath over the tiniest of mistakes and the ensuing curses, prurience and violent tendencies. Ahimsa and acceptance and forgiveness are almost non existent in these protracted, multiple exegesis.
The third blow hit me when I was 14. I was deeply traumatized when I saw 3 of my eldest sisters got into trance of Hindu guarding Gods, namely Kaliamma and Muniswarar.
I believe that those of you who are reading this, provided that you are a Hindu, these Gods are no strangers for you; temple shrines dedicated to these gods populate house frontyards, under the trees, beside drains and any empty ground at residential areas where Indian Hindus make up the majority of dwellers.
The scenes my sisters staged were anything but pure, holy and divine; they were ghastly, grotesque and utterly gruesome. They drank bottles of Guiness Stout(an alcohol laced beverage brand), smoked tobacco cigars, chewed neem leaves and smeared vibuthi (Hindu holy ash normally streaked on the forehead of a Hindu devout denoting piousness.) vermillion powder, sandalwood and turmeric paste all over their faces and spoke in unearthly, distorted voices. In hindsight, it is hilariously mind boggling, my sisters' ostentatious act ups.
My eldest sister swigged a bottle of Guiness Stout down and nibbled on some neem leaves and began bestowing her blessings on us.
I was rather fearing than believing and I now know the modus operandi of my sisters getting into bouts of godly trances. I also know now that blind faith makes the brain go on a roller coaster of imaginations.
First of all, you convince yourself that there is a Supreme Being is omnipresent (exists everywhere) omnipotent (all powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing) and that He is unquestionable.
Then, you succumb to dichotomy and branching and give human and bestial forms to God and He is now multiple, contained in diversity and in Hinduism, some 333 million gods are said to be existent.
Now, your mind is such convinced that you can 'download' the gods into you at any time of your fancy and you can send god back from where he came from (who knows where) when your propagating, boon bestowing, problem solving, evil withholding and fear mongering endeavours are done.
Then, it would be time for the god to climb the mountain. It is a slang for telling that god is now leaving the earthly being, bringing an end to the mortal and immortal mediating session until god decides to 'haunt' his devotee again.
Strangely, no one gets into trance while working, eating and defecating. It is only at an earthly pre-determined time where gods would inhabit and then leave the body. God has no say here; human dictates, god obeys. Yes, you heard me right.
It is actually the work of brain in a dimension called belief - the person believes that god inhabits him or her and believes that every word they utter to the masses comes from god. The mind becomes imbibed with supernatural mumbo jumbo until one can condition oneself both physically and mentally to attain masochism.
This rings true during Thaipusam where men pierce themselves with hooks and spears known as vel and dance around deliriously. Even David Blaine does that but it has no connection whatsoever to religion. Having tatoos being done also falls in this category.
We will ooh and aah at people like David Blaine but when religion becomes a subject for debate, it would hit lots of raw nerves and allegations of being infidels will be thrown at those who question the preset sacrosanct pillars. Faith and truth are two different things and when it comes to god, the line is always blurred between the both.
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