THE HINDU INDIAN WIDOWS' STIGMA (PART 1)

I was watching an Indian talkshow recently and it got me thinking really deep - it was about the struggle of Indian widows and widowers, how they continue living without their better half.

I lost my Dad when I was 19. It was a bitter pill to swallow but I had to swallow it, like it or not.

At the instant of my Dad's demise, my Mom stopped wearing bindi and sindhoor (bindi and sindhoor, also know as tikka or vermillion and comes in all hues of red. Hindu married ladies wear those on their forehead and on the parting of the hair in front. It is a sign of a married Hindu woman. It serves as the red light in traffic lights which carries the message that a lady wearing sindhoor on her head is taken and any guy intending to woo her to pull the brakes. It is also said to lengthen one's husband's lifespan. Unmarried Hindu ladies, maidens and girls wear only bindi in a variety of colours and shapes, a round dot being the classic shape.), adorn her hair with fragrant flowers and discarded the thali. (Thali is also known as mangalsutr. It is a yellow string or a beaded string tied around a lady's neck by her husband on the wedding dais on their wedding day. It signifies commitment and possession. Yes, you heard me, POSSESSION. I hate this concept of Hindu marriage, wearing the string like a tethered cow. Again, the presence of the string signifies that she is taken and putting a stop for wooing)

So it goes.. My Mom renounced the wearing of brightly coloured silk sarees. Instead she began wrapping herself with dull and drably coloured sarees. She stopped wearing the bindi and sindhoor as well as adorning her hair with flowers. Bindi got replaced by a dot of sandal wood paste and a streak of vibuthi, (Hindu holy ash streaked on forehead which signifies piety)

To my eyes, my Mom looked beautiful and wholesome with the crimson pottu and sindhoor. The abrupt stoppage of both attributes pained me and I am sure it pains my Mom more because each time she looks at the mirror, the fact that her husband is no more would be reminded to her.

I tried coaxing my Mom to wear at least a black or a maroon bindi but she would not hear of it. She conforms to the Hindu tradition outlined for widows. I have no idea of who founded such biased guidelines because a widower doesn't have to renounce or wear anything that describes a hallmark of  a widower so I am absolutely certain that these attributes devised for an Indian Hindu widow are the creation nation of misogynists whose aim is to subjugate women.

Not stopping at that, widows are considered as a bad omen and they are not allowed to stand in the front lines of auspicious functions like weddings, engagements and whatnot. The same is not true for widowers; they are given the same respect they got when they were married.

Guess who goes out of their way to segregate widows - it is women themselves. 

I Googled up widow and widower translated into Tamil (an Indian language) and the following is the result.

- Widow = மறுமணம் செய்து கொள்ளாத விதவை

Translated literally into Roman characters, it sounds like this, 'marumanam seithu kollathe vithavei.

It means a widow who has not remarried. The word vithavei itself means widow and is the most used term to call widows.

Now let's look at widower and witness the missing link.

- Widower = மனைவியை இழந்தவன்

Translated literally into Roman characters, it sounds like this, 'a man who has lost his wife'

That is it. There is no one word to describe a widower as a whole like 'vithavei' But, I do not know whether other Indian languages have a term for it. I am speaking as far as I know.

Unfair, isn't it and to think such Dark Age mentality exists in the modern world is beyond sad.

Read Part 2 here: The Hindu Indian widows' stigma (Part 2)

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