POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER LINKED NIGHT TERRORS - IT RUINS LIFE

I started suffering MAJOR night terrors while I was still married. I would be fully asleep screaming, jumping out of bed, running into walls....once I went outside NAKED in the rain...stood there  and got soaking wet. Then I came BACK to bed (still asleep) and got in. My ex was like "Why are you all wet?" And I woke up. I had left the patio door open, rain was all over the wood floors. At this point, I had already built a wall of pillows to separate us from each other since our relationship was rotten. Another time, my awesome friend Honor was spending the night before Comic Con last year. Chris and I had just announced our separation and I was sleeping in the tiny guest bedroom. In the middle of the night I woke everyone up screaming...and ran out the front door of my old home and fell down ALL the stairs in nothing but a bra. THAT woke me up. The next day I had to wear my Aeon Flux outfit, and had to put makeup all over my bruises. My case was SEVERE. I started researching why this suddenly started out of nowhere during my marriage.

Turns out Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, acronym, PTSD can trigger these sever episodes. Since I was living in so much fear and with so much anxiety, my PTSD from the highly traumatic events I went through as a kid came back full swing. HOW DO I TREAT THIS? I looked into it. My relationship was a very unhealthy trigger. It reminded me of so many bad things that had happened, I knew there was no amount of work to get me through it after more than 4 years of couples counseling... So, I left. It is now a little over a year since I moved out of our shared home and my night terrors have cut down by about 80%. Feeling SAFE and protected usually gives me a fantastic nights sleep. If I don't feel physically safe, I have the worse night terrors of all time.

When I DO manage to wake up in the middle of one, the primal fear I feel is unlike anything I have ever experienced. My heart beats so hard and fast, it feels like I snorted an entire 8ball of coke. I am usually covered in sweat...and SOMETIMES I see things that are obviously a dream, in reality. Meaning...one night I freaked out and woke up and STILL saw a man crawling across the floor towards me with a knife in his mouth and no pants on. Then, suddenly they just wont be there....and I will be literally standing on my bed, poised with my bat to attack. it feels....like I am in mortal danger.

The thing is, why am I still having them now after removing myself from the problem? I mean, I understand they are significantly less....but I am over this shit. Last night I had one and leapt out of my bed and landed with my full weight on my left knee. I couldn't work out today because it hurts so bad.  In fact, I have a big ole ice pack on my knee as I type this..

Do any of you suffer these kinds of problems? After trying to remove the fear & anxiety and replace it with comfort and safety....do they continue for you? Does it ever end? I am single....and I fear even shopping for a new relationship.....even if I ended up back with my recent ex boyfriend....I am so embarrassed that it happens.....and I fear for anyone's safety when I have these episodes because I am clearly not conscious.

I guess....I'd love to hear from someone..ANYONE....who goes through similar shit. This was hard to type. Almost like laying my soul bare.

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